Dying
by Ezika
Summary: sounds morbid, i know, and it is. And please, is u review, remember the title is DYING!!! Dont' expect this to cheer u up.
1. Default Chapter Title

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Dying

Chandler was in a NYC Taxi Cab. His fingers were drumming impatiently on his knees, couldn't the cab move any faster? His feet were twitching nervously and he was blinking very fast. All sorts of awfull possibilities were running through his head.

When the cab pulled up outside the hospital ten minutes later, Chandler thrust the money into the drivers utstretched palm, not caring that it was way too much. The cabbie grinned his thanks , then pulled away from the kerb.

Chandler rushed through the double doors into the emergancy room. He sprinted towards the reception.

"Where is she? Where's Monica Bing?" he demanded.

"Are you a relative?" the blonde bimbo type receptionist asked hiim.

"Yeah, I'm her husband. I need to see her. I just got a call from here telling me she had been in an accident. They wouldn't tell me anything else on the phone, they just said come down here, so I came as quickly as I could. Oh God, is she okay? Tell me she's okay, please. She has to be okay. I need her," Chandler babbled.

"Okay, calm down. Her name's Monica Bing, right?" the receptionist asked calmly. Chandler was so not calm he was only a minute or two away from jumping up and down with nerves.

"Yes, can I see her? I need to know she's alright."

"Okay, I'll get a nurse to come and speak to you, just sit down," she commanded in an irritatingly bright voice.

"Please, just tell me she's gonna be okay," Chandler begged, on the verge of tears.

"I'll get a nurse," was all she would say.

True to her word, the receptionist found one of the nurses who was treating Monica, and she lead Chandler to a small, private room, with pale soothing colors that didn't sooth him at all.

Five minutes later, Chandler was numb. His whole world was falling apart.

He wanted to cry, but found he couldn't find the tears.

"Oh my God," was all he could say, stuttering and very quiet.

"I'm sorry," the nurse said. She laid a comforting hand on his arm, but he shook it off. He didn't want her to touch him. The only person who's comfort he wanted was dead.

"I can't believe it. I just can't believe I won't ever hold her in my arms again," he said in a stunned voice.

"You can see her if you want," the nurse offered. Chandler gave no sign of hearing her.

"How am I going to tell the kids? Just tell me that! How do I tell me five year old son and my three year old daughter that their Mommy's dead and she's never coming back? How do I do that?" Chandler demanded.

"I'm sorry Mr Bing. If you want, I can tell your children for you," she said sympatheticly, and looking at him with pity in her eyes.

"No. If someone has to tell them, I want it to be me."

"Okay. Would you like me to call someone for you?"

"Uh, yeah, her brother, um, Ross Geller. He'll call her parents and our friends," Chandler said, the shock of losing her making him forget everything, even the name of one of his best friends.

"Okay. I'll take you to see her while I ring Mr Geller."

"Thanks," Chandler said, slightly regaining his self control.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Chandler stood in the doorway of the room where Monica had died. The nurse smiled kindly and left him alone. Slowly, Chandler walked across the bare room to Monica's bedside.

"Oh God Mon," he whispered. He sank to his knees and laid his head on the bed next to her. "Why is this happening? This isn't fair Mon. I don't think I can survive without you. I don't want to even try. I miss you so much already. How the hell am I going to live the rest of my life knowing I will never hold you, or talk to you, or kiss you ever again. I don't wanna live like that. I love you," he said. He was crying as he held her hand. "I love you so much. Oh God Mon, I can't say goodbye to you. I just can't. I'm sorry Monica. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I'm sorry you had to die, especially like this, alone amoung strangers and in pain," Chandler burried his face in her long, dark hair, not caring that it was thick and matted with blood from the accident. He pulled her close to him and hugged her. He wanted to pretend everything was alright, but there was nothing like the Monica he had once loved unconditionally in the woman in his arms now. The Monica he loved was alive and happy. This woman was dead and hurt.

"I love you Mon. I wish to God I didn't have to lose you like this. I will never stop thinking about you, and missing you, and loving you," he said. He choked with emotion as he said his final word to her: "Goodbye."


	2. Default Chapter Title

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Dying (part 2)

"Chandler! Chandler! Honey, wake up." Chandler was being shaken awake.

"Monica!" he gasped, and hugged her tightly. She looked at him, confused.

"What's the matter honey? Why are you crying?" she wiped his tears away.

"Am I?" he asked, dazed. Was he dreaming now, or had he dreamed her dying? "This is real right?" he asked, not letting go of her until he was sure she was real.

"Yeah, this is real. Why? Did you have a bad dream?" she asked as if he was a child.

"Yeah, an awfull one. I dreamt you died," Chandler said, still not over the shock of his nightmare.

"Oh honey, its okay, its just a bad dream. I'm here, I'm alive. Its okay," Monica soothed him, stroking his cheek gently.

"Thank God," he said emotionally. "I don't think I could live if I lost you."

"I couldn't live if I lost you," she replied.

All day Chandler tried to keep Monica in his sight. He wanted to be sure his dream hadn't been a premonition, so he never let her go any further than the bathroom without him. At first she thought it was sweet, and found it cute when he jumped up every time she stood up to stop the kids breaking something, or to get a cup of coffee. But after a while, his constant trailing after her everywhere started to annoy her.

"Stop following me!" she shouted eventually, after he followed her around the room as she chased after their daughter Leanne.

"Mon, I'm sorry but I just don't want anything bad to happen to you," he explained. Monica sat him down and took his hands in hers.

"Chandler, nothing bad is going to happen. And even if it was, it wouldn't be while I'm trying to stop Leanne spilling black currant juice on the carpet. You gotta relax a little," she told him.

Chandler was a little hurt by her not understanding, but he did make an effort to be more discreet as he followed her, watching as she moved around the room instead of following right behind her. Monica knew he was still tracking her every move, but she didn't snap at him again, because she could see how much his nightmare had affected him.

That night Chandler fell asleep with his arm around Monica, determind to protect her from anything that might hurt her. Monica appreciated the protected feeling he gave her, but still thought he was over reacting.

The next day Chandler and Monica went to take out money for the weekend in Florida they had been planning for the last few months. Chandler was clutching tightly to Monica's arm.

They were in the line, only three people in front of them, two behind them. Monica was impatient at having to wait, but this time, Chandler was too. He just wanted to get out of there and get Monica home. Joey was babysitting the kids and Chandler didn't really trust him, although he had babysat them dozens of times before. Monica sighed impatiently. Chandler touched her arm to try and calm her down.

Just as the person at the front of the line moved away and the line shuffled forward, the double doors at the entrance were flung open and about half a dozen men wearing standard bank robber black balaclavas. They were all armed.

"Move away from the desk," one of them commanded in a thick Yankee accent.

Several women screamed. Chandler was relieved Moncia wasn't one of them. He didn't need her panicking, he was panicking enough already. The crowd of people at the busy New York City bank backed away towards the walls.

One of the bank people pressed an emergancy alert button. The robber who had spoken saw her out of the corner of his eye and turned his gun on her.

"That was a very stupid thing to do," he said. Then he shot her. This time Monica was one of the women who screamed. Chandler probably would have screamed too if he had been alone, but having Monica with him made him feel he had to be brave for her sake. Monica clung to his arm as if her life depended on it.

"Anyone else wanna be stupid?" the man asked the room in general. No one answered him. "Good."

"Oh God Chandler," monica whispered. He put his arm around her and hugged her tightly. To his horror, one of the men with a gun turned to him. It wasn't the one who ahd shot the bank worker, but he was just as threatening. 

"Shut up!" he shouted at Monica. She whimpered and pressed herself even closer to Chandler. "I said, shut up!" he shouted in her face. She screamed. She couldn't help it. The masked robber pressed his gun against her stomach and shot her. She screamed hoarsely and crumpled in Chandler's arms. The robber grinned and walked away.

Chandler fell to his knees with Monica. She was crying and obviously in pain. He leaned against the wall and pulled monica into his lap. Her hands clutched at her stomach, from which blood was spurting at an alarming rate.

Chandler sobbed as he held her. She was dying. He knew that. She had lost too much blood not to die. But that didn't make it any easier for him. She was crying. The sound hurt Chandler more than anything else ever could have. He felt her blood soaking into his clothes and he was terrified. He ignored the bank robbers and the other people in the room, it was as if they didn't exist.

"I love you Mon," he said softly in her ear. She was in too much pain to answer him, but she lifted her head to look at him and although there was pain in her eyes it couldn't eclipse the love for him.

The robbers got their money. The police arrived. The ambulance arrived, obviously having been told about the gunshots. Eventually, the robbers let some of their hostages go. Chandler didn't move. He didn't even notcie as the others left. Monica had his undivided attention. He held her, covered with her blood, as she died.


	3. Default Chapter Title

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Dying (part 3)

Once again, Chandler woke up to find that Monica was shaking him awake with a concerned look on her face.

"Chandler, are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"I had another dream," he said.

"About me dying?"

"Yes. Oh God, do you think this means something?"

"No, Chandler, no. People have nightmares about things they're afraid of. Aracnaphobics have nightmares about spider. People who are scared of snakes have nightmares about slimy snakes. You're obviously afraid of losing me. That's really sweet honey, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to die, just because you dreamt about it," she said calmly. Chandler got the impression she was amused by his fear.

"Twice in a row," he reminded her. She just shrugged carelessly.

"Go back to sleep honey," she recommended. "You'll feel better in the morning."

Monica rolled over and fell asleep again pretty quickly. But although he held her and closed his eyes, Chandler was still wide awake an hour later. He couldn't stop wondering if maybe his dreams had been some kind of premonition. He prayed they weren't. he couldn't lose her.

Chandler stayed awake for most of the night. He didn't dare fall asleep for two reasons. Firstly, he didn't want another dream of Monica dying. Secondly, he wanted to be awake to protect her if anything bad happened.

In the morning, Chandler was extreemly tired. Monica said he should syau in bed and get some sleep, but he insisted on getting up with her and having breakfast with their kids, Josh and Leanne. But when Josh threw himself at his Daddy and demanded chocolate ice cream for breakfast, Chandler reluctantly admitted defeat and sank onto the couch while Monica fixed breakfast for the kids (NOT chocolate ice cream).

"Chandler, I'm gonna have a shower. Keep an eye on the kids, okay?" 

"'Kay," Chandler mumbled tiredly.

He was mopping up Leanne's Lucky Charms and milk, which she had spilt on the floor (that had shaken him out of his trance like state alright!) and heard running water. He had just carefully picked up the broken pieces of Leanne's bowel when he heard a scream from the bathroom. Instantly, he dropped the bowl to the floor and didn't notice when it smashed into hundreds of pieces. He didn't even warn the kids to mind the sharp edges, he just sprinted into the bathroom.

Monica was lying in the shower, with the water still running. There was a small cut on her forhead and only a trickle of blood, but she looked so still. Chandler crouched on the floor next to her, not caring about the warm water splashing down on him.

He looked up and saw Josh standin in the doorway, wearing his Thomas the Tank Engine pajamas and looking petrified. Leanne soon joined her brother. She was crying.

"Why isn't Mommy moving, Daddy?" Leanne asked, wiping the tears from her cheeks with her fist.

"Josh take your sister back into the living room and call Uncle Joey. Tell him to call an ambulance and get over here right now," Chandler commanded in a dull sounding voice.

The kids disappeared again. Chandler reached up to turn the water off, then he wrapped Monica in a towel. Suddenly, the first aid lessons he had taken when Josh was a toddler came back to him and he laid Monica flat on her back and started performing CPR on her, in a desperate attempt not to lose her like he had in his nightmares.

Chandler was breathing for her, and forcing blood around her body, but she stayed dead. Ten minutes later, Joey showed up, red in the face and out of breath. When he saw Chandler desperately trying to keep monica alive, Joey rushed to help him.

The ambulance arrived soon after Joey. The two paramedics tried to take over from Chandler and Joey, but Chandler refused to surrender the one thing he still had control over that could help Monica.

After nearly ten minutes of trying to bring Monica back to life, the paramedics gave up, but Chandler stubbornly kept going, with a look of grim determination on his face, and an awfull fear of losing Monica in his eyes.

"I won't give up on her. I won't," he muttered as he massaged her heart.

"Dude," Joey said quietly.

"Mr Bing, I'm sorry, there's nothing more we can do for her. I'm sorry. If I were you, I'd concentrate on those two little kids right now," one of the paramedics said kindly.

"But Monica…" Chandler protested.

"I'm sorry," the other paramedic said quietly.

Chandler dropped his hands to his lap and rocked back onto his heels. His face was pale and shocked, and he was crying. He couldn't believe it was over. He felt Joey's hand on his shoulder, but ignored it.

"I'm sorry Mon," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her forhead. "I'm sorry I can't help you." He brushed her hair away from her face. I love you so much." He dropped a light kiss onto her lips. "I'm sorry," he said again.

Joey and one of the paramedics helped him to his feet. He saw his two kids in the livingroom with Rachel, who was trying to keep them occupied, but looked worried and distracted. Chandler wondered when Rachel had arrived, and guessed Joey had called her. Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered now.

"Oh God Mon," he murmered, burrying his face in his hands.


	4. Default Chapter Title

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Dying (part 4)

"chandler?" she said.

"Mon?" he asked, raising his head. It was her. He lept to his feet and flung his arms around her. "Oh thank God!" he shouted, swinging her round. Josh and Leanne laughed, a sound which brought Chandler crashing back into reality.

"You had another dream, didn't you?" Monica asked in a funny voice. Chandler thought it was just because she was trying to have a serious conversation with her husband and make sure Leanne didn't stick Lucky Charms up her nose, and that Josh didn't pour his orange juice over his sister's head, all at the same time.

"Yeah, I guess I did," Chandler admitted. Monica took his left hand in both of hers.

"I'm worried about you," she said.

"Well don't okay. Its just like you said, people dream about stuff they're afraid of. I'm afraid of losing you. That's all," Chandler said, glossing over how terrified he was that his dreams were some kind of premonition.

"Maybe," Monica conceded uneasily.

That night, she offered to stay up with him, but he insisted he was fine. He didn't need her treating him like one of the kids. But after two hours of trying and failing to fall asleep, he woke her up.

"Mon," he whispered. She opened her eyes slowly and squinted at him.

"What?" she asked grogily.

"I can't sleep," he confesed.

"I thought you didn't want me to wait up with you?"

"I changed my mind. Sorry."

"Its okay. So, you wanna talk or something?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

"If you want."

"We don't need to though, do we?" she asked. He could tell from her voice that she wasn't saying it because she didn't want to talk, but because she was in awe of a relationship where the two people knew each other so well that talking was an unnesseccary pleasure.

"No," chandler agreed.

Monica hugged him. 

"Think you'll sleep better with your arms around me?" she asked. He nodded. "I'll just check on the kids, I'll be back in a minute." Chandler nodded again and released her.

Monica went into Josh's room first. He was sleeping soundly, clutching the teddy bear he always insisted he didn't need anymore. Monica smiled and kissed his forehead.

She went into Leanne's room as well, and saw her daughter playing school with her stuffed animals. Monica stood in the doorway and watched for a while until Leanne noticed her.

"Hi Mommy!" the three year old sang out cheerfully.

"Hi honey. Couldn't you sleep?"

"Yes. I already slept. You wanna play?"

"Its three in the morning sweetie. I'll play tomorrow."

"Okay, night night," Leanne said happily and went back to her game.

"Night Leanne."

When Monica went back into the apartment the light was on. 'That's weird, I deliberately didn't turn it on so as not to disturb Chandler or the kids.' But now it was on. She turned it off and started towards the bedroom she and Chandler shared, but before she was halfway there, a hand reached out and grabbed her arm. She started to scream, but a hand clamped down onto her mouth and silenced her. She tried to hit her attacker, but he was too strong for her. She knew it wasn't just Chandler playing a joke on her because the man was taller and heavier and his breath stank of alcohol.

Monica was terrified. Not just for herself, but for her family. What if Leanne came out of her room? What fi Chandler came to see why she hand't gone back to bed yet? 

Her attacker seemed annoyed by her struggling, and pushed her to the floor. He kneed her in the stomach and punched her face. He produced something that glittered in the faint light from under the door. A knife. Monica realised what it was when he held it just a couple of inches away from her face.

She screamed. Her scream brought Chandler running out of their bedroom. He saw the strange man in their apartment, the knife, and his wife in danger. He tried to help Monica, but he was no where near her when the intruder stabbed her three times, one after the other. She screamed in agony. Chandler wanted to scream to, as if it would help take her pain away, but no sound came out of his open mouth. He picked up a lamp and threw it at the stranger. It hit him, but barely grazed him. Chandler ignored the risk to his own safety, Monica being the only thought in his mind, and punched the man. He knew he might end up injured or even dead himself, but he didn't really care. He just wanted to get rid of the man who had attacked his wife.

The attacker seemed surprised by Chandler's hit, although it wasn't very hard or forcefull. He stood up and backed out of the door, not looked at all afraid or sorry, just wanting to leave before Chandler called the police. Not that he was afraid of the police, he just didn't want the hassel.

When the attacker was gone, Chandler knelt by Monica's side and held her head in his lap. She was sobbing painfully and gasping for breath. The rasping sounds grated on Chandlers heart and pained him even more than they pained Monica.

Chandler cried over her lifeless body for an indefinate length of time. It could have been minutes, or it could have been hours, he had no way of knowing. The only thing that stopped him was seeing Josh and Leanne standing together in the doorway of Josh's bedroom. They were clutching each others hands and looking scared and confused.

"Daddy, what's wrong with Mommy?" Josh asked in a small, woried voice.

That just made Chandler burst into tears all over again. The kids were more scared by this than by seeing their Mommy lying dead on the living room floor. They were too little to really understand about death. They rushed to Chandler's side and he hugged them both tightly. The three of them stayed like that for a long time. He found it comforting to be holding his children. Monica's children. Even though he could never hold Monica herself again. Not the real Monica anyway. He could only ever hold her body now. He would never hold her spirit again.

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This is the last death, I promise u. I swear to God, this time its for real. And I'm soooooo sorry.


	5. Default Chapter Title

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Dying (part 5)

Monica was burried on a Friday. Sha had died four days earlier. Her parents arranged everything, because Chandler was too much of a wreak to think straight. Ross was looking after Josh and Leanne, and Chandler hadn't left the apartment since Monica was killed. He hadn't changed out of his sweats or combed his hair either. His friends suspected he wasn't eating or sleeping either.

He held Josh's hand at the funeral, and carried Leanne. Phoebe had explained to them, in her own unique way, that their Mommy was dead, and never coming back, but neither she didn't know how much of it they had understood. Chandler hadn't understood most of it himself.

He closed his eyes throughout the church service. He heard Monica's parents talk about their daughter, and Ross read out a speech he had spent the last four days writing and rewriting. But Chandler didn't listen to any of them.

All he could think about was all the memories he had of Monica. He remembered when they first got together at Ross's second ill-fated wedding, in London. Their disasterous weekend away together. The time he proposed because he was sorry. When they went to Las Vegas and almost got married. When they moved in together. When Chandler proposed for real, even though Richard had complicated everything. Their wedding. Her telling him she was pregnant for the first time. Josh's birth, his first Christmas. Leanne's birth and first Christmas. And all his kids birthdays and Christmases. All his and Monica's anniversaries. Every single moment was important to him. He just couldn't belive they wouldn't make any more memories together.

Joey nudged Chandler to remind him that it was his turn to get up and speak, and jolted Chandler out of his daze. Slowly Chandler rose to his feet and made his way to the front of the church. He cleared his throat and began to speak.

"I never thought I'd be at Mon's funeral. I just never imagined she'd die before me. I guess because I can't imagine my life without her. I still can't. without her, my life is empty. I'm empty. The only thing I have left to keep me going is my wonderfull kids. Josh and Leanne, if it wasn't for you guys, I'd have nothing. And I'd be nothing. I love Monica so much, so damn much. I still love her," he corrected himself. "I love her so much it hurts. And I can't believe she's gone. She's been gone four days, and it feels like I haven't seen her, spoken to her, touched her, held her, kissed her, made love to her, for longer than forver. I can't explain what it feels like to lose her. I feel like a part of me died when Monica died. Part of me that I'll never get back if I live another million years. I wouldn't want to live another million years, because it would be a million years without her. I love you Mon, I always ," Chandler said in a quiet but clear voice. He was crying, but it didn't stop everyone in the church hearing what he had to say.

When he was done, Chandler sat back down next to Josh and pulled Leanne onto his lap. He hugged them both like he never wanted to let them go. They were lucky, he thought. They were too young to really understand about death. And in time, they would forget about their Mommy, who died when they were so little. But Chandler would never forget her. And even though he was a grown up, and supposed to understand stuff, he didn't see how anyone, of any age, could ever understand something as pointless as death.

Outside the church, in the graveyard, Monica's coffin was carried to its final resting place. As she was lowered into the ground, Chandler felt as thoguh his heart was being torn in two. He threw his handfull of dirt into the hole, and tossed a single red rose on top of her coffin.

"Goodye Monica," he whispered lovingly.


End file.
